. — remember how i thought i could go to paris and...

remember how i thought i could go to paris and meet lana at that convention thingy because france isn’t far and i got sooo excited but then i saw the ticket prices and they’re too expensive so i can’t go and i’ve been so heartbroken ever since that i can’t look at pictures of lana anymore and i even wish ouat didn’t return on sunday because it’ll break my heart and i hate myself for it because it’s my favorite show and it means so much to me but i ruined it for myself because i get too upset and hurt by stupid things and nobody ever understands! and for like a day i thought “oh hey let’s fight for it i won’t let everyone else be happy for once i don’t want to accept this defeat i’ll make a gofundme or something idk! i can do this!!” but i’ve already given up because i’m just a tiny depressive heap of tears and now all i do is hurt myself and bake my feelings away and try to avoid everything swan queen which was one of my few happy things but now it’s ruined and it’s all my fault because i’m a useless piece of crap i just aww man idk